Like, in general I think people have very complicated reasons for wanting things, and we often have no idea whether were actually motivated by altruism or a desire to hook up or a search for answers or what. I always get annoyed when in books or movies characters want clear things for clear reasons, because my experience of humanness is that I always want messy things for messy reasons. You are missing. You have alot to enjoy and explore. Let get together and try something new 😉